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Which Woman Should Go On The $10 Bill?
The US Treasury just announced that they will be putting a woman on the $10 bill. Sorry Andrew Hamilton, but your stupid bow tie and snarky demeanor simply aren’t cutting it. This only went to...
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Rachel Dolezal’s Bravery Inspired Me to Finally Come Out
In light of the recent breakthroughs in how we define ourselves as people, I have an important announcement to make. When I first heard of that courageous woman coming out to stand up for who she...
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10 Condom Innovations The World Needs
Recently, at UK’s Teen Tech Awards, three teenage boys won an award for coming up with a concept for condoms that change color when in contact with STIs (sexually transmitted infections for the...
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What’s Cookin’, Average-Lookin’: Regular Dude Makes Fancy Food
tf am i even reading lol I’m holding a live lobster over a pot of boiling water. I literally have this creature’s life in my hands. I consider the weight of this statement. Then release it into the...
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A Straight Guy Experiences Magic Mike XXL
My palms were admittedly moist, beset with a covering of anxiety dew that spoke of someone about to venture into unknown territory. As the lights dimmed I checked yet again for the nearest exit, in...
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Four Tips You Can Learn From Pickup Artists
Back in the early aughts, we had the cultural shart of pickup artists. There were articles, bestselling books, and even a VH1 reality show about it (remember when VH1 was a thing?). Pickup artistry is...
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A Dude’s Mental Prep List While Getting Date-Ready
While it’s generally thought of that the woman is the one who spends hours (days?) fretting over her appearance for a date, us fellas also take some time to ensure we look as bangeable — um, I mean...
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3 Indispensable Tips for Knowing Thy Jeans On Thy Self
Every guy should have a pair of jeans. In fact, I’m willing to bet that every guy has a pair of jeans. Honestly, why wouldn’t you? They’re multi-purpose perpetually fashionable powerhouses, AND gluten...
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My Breakup Letter To Tom Cruise
Dearest Thomas, It’s been a while, and I am sorry. I’ve been meaning to check in, but then life happened. You know how that goes. I’m writing you this letter to tell you we should part ways. For good...
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Three Tips for Being an Adventurous Eater
I had an awkward food experience this summer. I was at a trendy restaurant and was informed ramps were on the menu. As I was about to scoff my most pretentious of scoffs for the suggestion we eat a...
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In Response To The Guy Who Ate All The Pizza
I’ve often said that I could eat pizza “all day, err day,” after which I’m promptly reminded that I’m quite clearly a nerdy white dude who can never pull off saying “err day.” Haters aside (also...
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Boost Your Bangability: The Importance of a Good Haircut
When I walk into the just-now-shamlessly-promoted Persons of Interest barbershop, I point at my barber and say “Hey Matt, let’s do that voodoo that you do to my ‘do!” Then I hook my fedora perfectly...
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